In today’s workplaces, managers who lead teams likely you feel a deep strain to give each team member the empathy and focus they need. The constant state of business transformation is consuming attention and has short circuited fostering human connection in favor of productivity. The data is clear: when leaders show empathy and prioritize connection, employees report higher engagement, inclusion, and performance. When human connection gets sidelined, it creates fertile ground for misalignment, disengagement, and missed insights.
The Center for Creative Leadership has found that managers who are rated as more empathetic are also rated as higher performers by their own bosses. There is a lot to indicate taking the time to show people they’re cared for and that their human circumstances matter. A Coursera study found 67% of people with empathetic managers consider themselves more engaged at work, compared to just 24% with less empathetic managers.
Empathy Matters
Old-school management practice used to advise manager that if a direct report came to you with a problem, they also had to arrive with 2-3 proposed solutions to that problem. It was part of ‘man up’ work culture that dates back to childhoods that were commanded by older generations who lived by entrenched gender stereotypes and more. That’s defined how we’re allowed to be “at work,” and what’s considered “professional.” Feelings haven’t been acknowledged in a long time, if ever. Workplace burnout and overwhelm are starting to change this. Solving problems is business critical, but the chronic skipping over your employees’ emotional lives may be hardening people, eroding trust and loyalty while deepening the ‘it’s just a paycheck’ mentality.
As Satya Nadella took the helm of Microsoft in 2014, he gave his leaders Marshall Rosenberg’s book: Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. He called empathy a workplace superpower. His tenure at the company has ushered in an era of gains and prosperity.
I’ve found the principles of Nonviolent communication ideal for informing how modern workplaces need to reimagine. Here are some simple ways to tune others’ stories:
Find true observations. As you listen to someone talking, think of video. What would the camera capture? If there is more context or evaluation you’re adding, you may be infusing bias or jumping to conclusions that create bias. Ask questions that encourage people to share deeper context and detail, so you’re drawn further into an empathy state. For example, “Can you say more about that…?” It’s a skill to truly hold presence without judgment for others.
Ask yourself more open questions. As you listen, ask, “What else could be true?” or “what might I be missing about how they see this?” Workplaces are notorious for time pressures that push us to push for quick conclusions. There are a variety of solutions that can still convey care even if the clock has run out.
Reflect with empathy. Reflective listening is one of the most practical tools a manager can use. Instead of responding immediately, try summarizing what you hear: “It sounds like you’re feeling frustrated because the timeline feels unrealistic—is that right?” This helps the team member feel understood and gives you a chance to verify your interpretation before acting on it.
Show empathy for them over time. Listening to people’s stories and checking back in on developing situations weeks or months later shows presence and care in the workplace. People are often honored that you remembered and feel more connected with you because you retained their story.
Listen for your own emotions. As you work with your team, you may have your own reactions or triggers to what they’re sharing. The goal is to be present with your own feelings and be compassionate with yourself.
Later this year, I’ll be officially launching Connective Communication, my workshops that bring humanity back to the office. For quick insights and tips on empathy, compassion and techniques for your own well-being at work, you can subscribe here.